Tales of Hearts come in 2 different package: animated or CGI cinemas. This preview is based on the animated version. After seeing the impressive cinemas in this game, I might reconsider playing the CGI version just to see how those would look, but I can’t imagine me getting over how ugly the characters look in CGI. It’s not like the CGI version’s a completely different game, only the cinemas look different. I find it hilarious that some people thought we’d get the game with both cinematic styles within a single cart. Are you nuts? The opening FMV intro takes up both screens.

If you want to watch FMV cinemas, you’ll find plenty here. After a half hour of play time, I’ve already seen 3 cinemas, each over a minute long with ample voice acting in many of the major non-FMV scenes. This game has some major production values for a DS game. Probably the biggest I’ve ever seen.

According to the FAQ, Shing’s suppose to be 16. He doesn’t look 16 in the CGI.

Now that we got that out of the way, let’s get to the important stuff: the gameplay.

The combat feels like your typical Tales game. Keep in mind I’ve only played TOP on SNES and about 15 minutes of TOS on GC many moons ago, so my assumptions are based only on these 2 games. Veteran players will be right at home, while novice players will be treated to an action pack battle system. Attack with A, special with B, block with Y, and X to perform misc. tasks. Pressing the directional buttons along with the A or B to execute various attacks. This active combat is the hallmark of the Tales series. I haven’t figured out all the intricacies, so I haven’t seen anything new. I’ve only learned 2 special attacks so far.

After a battle, you get the usual experience points, gold, and some unique items. Don’t know their names, but at least I figured out they can combined with various other items to permanently boost your stats, or give you new skills. Seems like this is to only way to build up your characters outside of leveling up. I didn’t see any shops selling defensive/offensive gears in towns, but I’ve only been to 3 places. Your weapons do level up with 3 different stats branches to choose from: Offensive, defensive, and balanced; or was it speed — I don’t know, I wasn’t paying attention.

The lighting and shadows are great.

The exploration is the biggest disappointment so far. Unless the world expands later, your travels are limited to walking through valleys instead of wide opened plains. I know my recently preview Riz-Zoawd is similar, but for that game, it served a purpose. Tales employs an overhead view, and I see no reason why the world is so restricted. This also leads to the world map looking very plain. The towns, on the other hand, look great.

Although I can’t read Japanese, it starts out very eventful, if cliché. The following paragraph contains minor spoilers for some overused RPG clichés, so you’ve been warned.

I wish the world map looked this good.

You start out as Shing, a 16 year old boy — shielded from the dangers of the outside world — kicked upside the ass in the comfort of his own home. He stumbles upon the 2 conscious siblings, Kohak (she demon) and Hisui (man-wuss). I don’t recall ever seeing an RPG potential love interest (I’m guessing) would start off with her older brother in tow. You know the drill, boy meets unconscious girl, boy attempts CPR, girl wakes up in time to beat the crap out of boy. Later, you run into the one pursuing the siblings. In an epic fight to protect them, grandpa (?) gets blasted and Kohak gets possessed or something. Being a hero, you decide to save Kohak. Yeah, what about grandpa? So what if he took a fatal blow for you, and awakened your powers? A cute (replace with “ugly” for CGI version) girl is in danger here! Shing enters Kohak’s mind to save her, only to find what a filthy dirty disgusting place it is. Shing saves the girl and gramps bites the big one. All in a days work for a hero. Now you can be on your merry way to explore the world, and meet the incredible She Hulk.

Wait, come back! I’m really a cute girl under a curse! Break the spell! Gimme a kiss!

I’m actually a little further than that, but haven’t seen anything interesting (that I understand) to say much about it. I felt some hype from the Tales name, but I haven’t seen anything special — yet. The story is eventful thus far, so I know I’ll need understand it to fully appreciate this game. Unless there’s a translation, this is merely a solid RPG, and nothing more. I’m sure Tales fans won’t be disappointed though.

If you have any questions about the game, don’t be afraid to post a comment. I’ll try to answer what I can.

Imagine the most beautiful picturesque day at the countryside. You’re just sitting on the meadows surrounded by flowers in full bloom, the nearby pond glistens from the warm sunlight. Suddenly, a blue object comes careening down the corner at amazing speed — breaking the sound barrier and flattening everything in its path. You sit there dazed and confused, trying to make sense of the chaos. All you managed to see was a blue blur zipping around enemies while grabbing coins littered about. Right now, the only question on your mind is: Who’s that girl in the blue dress!?

That, my friends, is Dorothy, the fastest thing on the Yellow Brick Road.

What you don’t see is how beautiful the water looks in motion.

Ok, so I’m over exaggerating how fast Dorothy really is, but trust me, you will have to get used to her speed and the controls, because Dorothy is control through a virtual trackball on the touch screen. Roll the ball to make her move. The faster you roll, the faster she goes. Turning corners at high speed takes a while to master, but damn, I had fun speeding through the beautiful world of Oz. You could also give her a simple push, and the ball will continue to roll, while Dorothy takes a more leisurely pace. I don’t think you need to constantly roll while running, but I feel like I have more control this way. I can definitely see people not being too enamored by this unique control scheme, but don’t knock it till you try it.

Oh oh, I’m sorry, I almost forgot; this game is an RPG — and a pretty unique one at that. For now, I’m going to be lazy and say this game is a cross between Dragon Quest and Crash Bandicoot (PS1). The combat resembles Dragon Quest, minus the random battles, and add in some brain power. The world exploration is similar to Crash due to the more confined environments you must travel though, but it also makes running around simpler. There are branching paths to explore, and basic puzzles to solve, too.

Now follow the ORANGE brick road.

The actual combat requires more active participation, because you want to maximize the damage you do. Each turn, you have four available slots and each character requires a different number of slots to move. Dorothy and Scarecrow takes up 1 slot, the Cowardly Lion takes 2, and Tinman takes 3. Using an individual or combo of Dorothy and Scarecrow will allow 4 hits each turn, but they aren’t as powerful as Lion or Tinman. Those participate in the fight will also be the only one(s) to take damage. To further complicate things, each character has an affinity against certain enemies. You’ll want to make good use of your team, while doing as much damage as possible.

I don’t know whether this is a design choice, or my fault, but this game (or just me) puts running to good use. The combat gets tricky when the real adventure begins, and money is hard to come by. You will need to make frequent trips to heal from damage, and that’s where speed comes into play. When my party was dying, I found myself using my speed to escape the dungeon. Some enemies might even chase you for a bit, so you best start running! If you’re not good with the controls, you can also end up running into enemies you’re trying to avoid. Yeah, there’s an instant dungeon escape item, but I sold them for cash for better equipment.

Screens REALLY don’t do this game justice.

This is one of the best looking DS RPGs to date. Just wait till you see the animation, the vibrant colors, the smooth frame rate, the environment mapped water, and scenic roads. All this in an RPG that captures the sensation of speed better than Sonic Chronicles. Hell, you’re better off pretending Dorothy is Sonic and call this Sonic RPG. My play time is about the same as Sonic Chronicles, and I’m already more impressed with this game. Just look at the length of this preview and how much there is to talk about.

Dorothy does what Sonican’t!

This preview is going to be a double preview; two for the price of one. I’ll give you both Quantum of Solace (PC demo) and Sonic Chronicles hands-on impressions today. Once you read it, you’ll understand why I combined them into one.

After hearing about how the Wii version of Quantum of Solace won’t be gimped, I figured I would contribute to a quick preview based on the PC demo. We know the game uses the COD4 engine, so all the gameplay mechanics are in place. All they need now is good Wiimote controls. I haven’t been keeping up with this game’s development because I honestly didn’t care. Talk is cheap, and playing it for yourself is the best way to find out!

The demo starts off with Jimmy Bond is in the sewers in pursue of One Eye Willie’s legendary treasure; or maybe he’s looking for the Ninja Turtles. I don’t know, I wasn’t paying attention. The developers, on the other hand, are paying attention to the game’s gameplay. The incredibly sophisticated gameplay can’t be summed up in words, but I’ll try my best: You walk and shoot — AT THE SAME TIME! I’m astounded, to say the least.

Hey, that ain’t Pierce Brosnan!

Another innovative feature is the cover function — which is totally NOT reminding me of the Star Wars: Rebel Alliance 2 PC game from the late 90’s; or wonder why the hell it took so long to be implemented into FPS games; or memories of crashing the Millennium Falcon repeatedly.

I’d get more screens, but the opening un-skip-able logos are longer than the demo itself.

I didn’t see any gadgets incorporated into the gameplay. You’d think he’d at least carry an emergency inflatable bed in case he encounters woman who wants to have sex with him in the sewers. I didn’t see a button in the configuration menu for switching to anything but the guns. Then again, this is a demo, so they might have just removed it. Right now, it’s Call of Duty in a tuxedo leaning against walls. I don’t know whether the game is good or bad. I mean, I did enjoy the few scant minutes of it, but maybe the full game sucks so bad, you’ll be bored after ten minutes. We’ll never know until it’s release. I am pissed at wasting two hours to download a demo that lasted five minutes. My DSL speed isn’t the fastest, so instead surfing the web to slow down the download speed, I decided to play Sonic Chronicles to pass the time.

Hey, that ain’t Pierc — OMG, that is Pierce Brosan.

Sonic Chronicles is exactly what you’d expect from a Sonic based RPG. Bioware did an excellent job at retaining Sonic’s legendary lethargic gameplay. They also brought with them their speech tree plus dual screen text reading. It’s nice to know you suck at reading when you press the button while staring at the wrong screen. This takes less than a minute to get used to, but you can tell Bioware put a lot of thought into making it confusingly convenient. Maybe I wasn’t confused, but would rather look at the beautiful Sega art on one screen instead of looking at Bioware’s dreadful Saturday Morning cartoon art on the other.

Everything looks great, until you see the human art…

Run around really slow at super sonic speed to explore, talk, and solve puzzles. All the RPG conventions are here. At least your party members are put to good use in the game.

Solve puzzles using all your team members.

The one stand out feature is the chase sequence before battle. Occasionally you’ll chase down enemies while jumping over obstacles. If you step on a speed boost, you speed up. Slamming into the obstacles will slow you down, and you lose a bit of HP. Your entire party is engaged in this race, and it can be exciting/tough with four characters to manage. It’s an interesting double-edged sword that makes battles a bit more exciting, but also causes you to waste more time than needed on weak enemies. This doesn’t happen very often, though. At least there are no random battles, but the interactive special moves aren’t as involving as the any of the Mario RPG games.

I constantly found myself looking up from the game to see if my download was complete. Not a good sign. There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s just very dull. I don’t think I’ll go back to playing this game again. The only thing that stands out is the chase sequence I just mentioned. If Sonic survived Sonic 2006, it’ll survive an unremarkable RPG. I don’t know what I’m more disappointed with — a two hour download for a brief demo, or spending two hours on a game with very little to say.

Cow Cow

Weird weird weird. That’s how I describe the newest Fire Emblem. Fire Emblem DS is a remake of the original NES game — the progenitor of the series. I just want to clear up a few misconceptions first. This is not a remake of Mystery of the Emblem. That game was a direct sequel that included a remake of the NES game. That remake also added its own features, but also took out some characters and chapters. Fire Emblem DS does not contain book 2 — the sequel — but rather an enhanced version of the first game. Confused yet? Good.

Fire Emblem is a Strategy RPG with a long history. The gamplay is focused more on strategy and less on RPG. You move a band of warrior across a map, and fight your way to victory. One careless move could be your last. Journey back to the very beginning and see how it all began with Marth’s epic battle against Medeus, The Dragon of Darkness.

Behold Marth’s father and obscure Fire Emblem joke.

So why is this game weird you ask? Let me describe the changes in the game.

First of all, the weapon triangle is added to the game, but no magic triangle (as far as I can tell). Tons of new characters were added, but the game encourages you to kill off your party. You have to lose characters to gain the new characters. The map colors are washed out, while the battle scenes are vibrant. Class swap is silly and fun! Maji makes a better mage than Maric and Linda. Besides the out of character-ness, it’s really well done. This combined with forging presents a healthy amount of customization to the player. Hopefully, this feature will make it into a remake of Genealogy Of The Holy Wars.

Find the 2 worst mages in this line up. Hint: it’s not the guy on the left.

I think most of what I said above is pretty self explanatory, but I’ll go a little more in depth on class swap, and why it’s exciting. Unlike Fire Emblem Gaiden and Sacred Stones, growth rates are now split into class growth, and character growth. In order to get the final numbers, you must add the two together. So now, almost anyone has the potential to grow like they should, and not a healer with 20 strength and 0 magic. This doesn’t factor RNG rape into the equation. Extra precaution is added to prevent the abuse of the more powerful classes, but there is a good deal of freedom to swap as you please. I know there will be people out there who’ll enjoy playing the game with the most screwed up classes for fun.

The kind and delicate healer.

Speaking of fun, this game provides difficulty options for people of all skill level. There are six difficulty levels available from the start. The hardest difficulty will push you to the max, while the easiest mode contains weaker A.I. and mid-level saves. Granted, even at the lowest difficulty, it’s still possible to die from carelessness. I don’t know how I feel about the weird kill-someone-to-get-someone system. This is obviously done to appease those incapable of strategy, but who’s to say they won’t lose those replacements just as easily? What about long time fans, will they be pleased? Me, I don’t mind. It gives me extra incentives to replay the game. I know my first place through will focus on canon, even if I can get new characters, I will reset to remain true to the original.

The most bloodthirsty Swordmaster in the land.

Lastly, there are some unique Wi-Fi options like shops, renting (don’t know) and online battles. Let me start by saying Fire Emblem is not meant for multiplayer. Unlike the single player game, stats can play an important role in winning multiplayer. Within the game, you have to use strategy because the game designers won’t pit you against enemies with 99 in all stats while you’re at level 1. The same can’t be said about hackers. It remains to be seen how people will embrace this new feature. If cheating is rampant, then Intelligent Systems needs to go back to the drawing board. They need new ideas to apply that to online play.

I’ve been playing the game non-stop while watching the Olympics. Life doesn’t get any better than this.

Cow Cow

Credits:
DarkTwilkitri for the face sprites.
Terranigma Freak for correction on some gameplay info.

I’m going to get straight to the point, Retro Games Challenge (A.K.A Game Center CX) disappointed me — but not because of the game, but rather my own ignorant assumptions that caused the disappointment. Instead of researching a game that’s already out, I based my ideas of the game on a small preview in a press release about the game’s immanent US release. Go me! Don’t worry, just because the game shattered my own silly fantasies doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy the game. This is why we have previews.

The minute I turned on the game, I saw some text in a starry background. I quickly followed up with a wiseass remark: “A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away…” Then, as if I had given the cue — YELLOW SCROLLING TEXT APPEARED! All it needs is some John Williams music. I’m not really sure what they’re saying, but I assume it’s not cursing at me in Japanese. I was then greeted by Darth Kawashima, supreme ruler of retro game land! The fate of mankind teeters on the brink of destruction unless I overcome my retro games challenge.

Disappointment (which I am to blame) number 1: These games aren’t random rapid fired quickies in vain of WarioWare. You must beat each challenge in a set order to progress further and unlock more. Since each challenge was different, I needed reading skills to understand my goal. Thank god I discovered a complete FAQ at Gamefaqs; or else I wouldn’t have been able to progress further. Just because it’s a bunch of retro games doesn’t make it import friendly. You should wait for the American release instead.

My first game was Cosmic Gate — a Galaga clone. They actually improved the gameplay with extra additions and techniques. The challenges range from clearing a certain stage, to earning a certain amount of points, to figuring out how to warp. The power ups aren’t just for show, so you’ll want to take advantage of it to win. There’s even a bonus stage that conglaturated you after you shooted a certain amount of asteroids. I hope they keep that in the English version…

The next game was some ninja game call Karakuri Ninja Haguruman. The gameplay was unlike anything you’ve ever played before, and yet somehow familiar. For now, I’ll give a quick run down instead of trying to explain everything. You have the single room (not screen, mind you) filled with enemies to kill. Once you’ve wiped out all the enemies, a “boss” type enemy will appear. Kill it, and move onto the next stage. Collect items, stun enemies, flip doors, and stomp’em! It’s like Bubble Bobble with a twist.

The last game I unlocked was Rally King. This is an overhead racer. Your task is to go fast, earn a DWI, and die in a fiery blaze of glory. At least that’s how it looked like with me behind the wheel. Here’s hoping cars of the future won’t be controlled with a video game pad. I’m not into racing games, so I’m not sure if my assessment is accurate. Certainly seems more complex than your run of the mill NES racer. Again, I could be wrong.

My last disappointment is that there are only 8 games in total. I honestly thought they would have loaded more content into it. Still, what I’ve played so far aren’t just straight forward clones. They actually put a little thought into it to spice things up. I’m only up to Rally King, and I’ll go back after I finish Summon Nights 2. Outside of some unreasonable expectations on my end, I am very pleased with what I’ve seen so far. Hopefully, the remaining games will retain the old-school gameplay with a twist feel. Maybe some randomization like WarioWare wouldn’t hurt, though. There’s always hope for a sequel!

Yeah, I’ve been drooling over Metal Slug 7 since it was first announced. It now joins Contra 4 and Bangai-O in the shooters-with-mainline-sequel-on-DS club. Make no mistake, this is Metal Slug that you know and love! I’ve played through 4 stages, so I’m sure that’s good enough for a quick preview of this game.

I’ve had this game for a few days now, so why am I still at level 4? You can partly blame it on multitasking, or you can blame it on me sucking. I played through the normal mode, and I died like crazy. There’s a difficulty selection, and I stuck with normal. I haven’t tried out easy or hard, yet. If you’re worried that being on the DS would somehow make the game easier, I’d have to say, look at Contra 4! Seriously, why would anyone think this would be toned down on the DS? C4 proved that developers aren’t making watered down games for the system, and Metal Slug 7 is no different!

Marko’s getting flushed down the toilet.

In typical side scrolling shooter fashion, you run from left to right while killing everything in sight, rescue prisoners, find items, and beat the boss. Along the way, the prisoners you rescue will give you items or weapons. Use your weapons and grenades wisely, or you’ll end up dead. I had fun plowing through hordes of enemies while doing some simple platforming along the way. I say platforming because you’ll jump bullets more than cliffs. Each character retained their own uniqueness carried over from Metal Slug 6. I have to ask, what took them so long to do this? Now, picking a character or sticking to one can make a huge difference depending on your style of play. Ralf and Clark return in this game, so I’m guessing they’ll appear for the future sequels, too.

Everything that made Metal Slug so great is kept in tact for this bite size sequel. This could also be seen as a negative, though, since it really doesn’t offer anything new to the series outside of new Slugs and weapons. They probably wanted to go the safe route for their first DS outing. I tried the combat school, but I’m not sure what I’m suppose to be doing. Seems like there’s a mission objective to fulfill, but I just ran through pretty much the same stage. I didn’t really try to stay alive though, just run in, kill, and get killed. The bottom screen is completely useless. I don’t care, as long as I can slaughter everything in sight.

I have no clue what they’re trying to show with the bottom screen.

Speaking of slaughter, killing someone is especially satisfying in the Japanese version, thanks to the red blood. I just don’t get Japan, they censor No More Heroes, but leave red blood in Metal Slug? Are we going to get sweat in the American version? Oh, and for some reason, coins pop out of enemies very often now. I’m guessing it’s probably there for people to brag about high scores, although I don’t see why they couldn’t just hide more secret useless items like they used to.

I’ll probably put down Metal Slug 7 for now and go play Game Center CX. I can easily go back to it once the English version is released. I pretty pleased with this sequel, but there are a few nagging issues that may or may not be my fault. I’ll have to play more to see.

You know, an Indiana Jones side scroller wouldn’t be a bad idea.

It is without a doubt the most trying time for us gamers. The recent fallout between Tecmo and game designer Tomonobu Itagaki could spell disaster for our breast loving brothers and sisters. Well, mostly brothers, but I guess we might have some sisters too. Whatever floats your boat, man. Uh, anyway, gamers everywhere cried out for a savior. Who would help maintain the losers/otaku stigma for gamers if Tecmo were to collapse from this unfortunate disaster? Fear not, for salvation will come in the form of Bandai Namco! Their first offering is Soul Calibur 4’s mammoth jumblies of destruction — guaranteed shame for $59.99. Unlike Tecmo, Namco’s willing to spread the love to us DS owners with Mugen No Frontier: Super Robot Whores OG Saga. Bless you Namco, bless you. Of course this game probably has no chance in hell of coming out in the US, but that’s why I’m here… to taunt you.

I can’t say I actually enjoy looking at them from this angle.

Let me start off by saying that this game is an RPG. If you’re familiar with the Robot Wars games, this is nothing like it. I was treated to some quick back story about Cowboy Astronaut Millionaire Haken’s quest to help grocery stores reduce milk prices. His first stop was to seek out the fabled Milk Cow Princess. I started the game in some dingy abandoned lab to find her. A bit of exploration reveals some interesting mechanics to liven up the game. The dungeons themselves offer a few obstacles to stump you. You can smash boulders, climb walls, or push and pull statues. They’re not exactly mindbenders like Golden Sun or Zelda, but it does spice up the otherwise boring dungeon design. You can explore the lab, open chests, equip weapons and armor, and fiddle with the computers to find your way around. You know, all the basic RPG gameplay. Also to my dismay, this game employs random battles. I hate random battles. At least they weren’t too frequent in this game. I don’t know if it’ll get worse as the game progresses, though. Ironically, I also had a hell of a time leveling up due to the huge amount of exp. required, and sparse enemy encounters. This is why random battles suck. They get in your way when you don’t want to deal with them, and are never there when you need it! At least you get a nice little bonus for pulling off powerful moves in combat.

Speaking of combat, we come to the most interesting part of the game. I don’t get everything, but I was able to figure out enough to have some fun. You press “A” to start the attack, and watch a lengthy animation play out. Your attack ends once you’re out of COM, or don’t chain the moves. Even though the animation is long, you actually do have to keep your eye out for the little exclamation mark; it appears to notify button taps to continue the combo, or perform different moves when pressed. With every press, your COM meter depletes, so even if you’re timing is dead on, you can’t fight forever. I was also able to change the combo by pressing “A” at certain points not indicated by the game. Once your COM runs out, your character’s turn is over, and the next character attacks. I was able to call out my next character to continue the chain by accident. I later figured out that pressing “left” and “A” can call forth the next character in your party. This will greatly increase the combo and build the frontier gauge. Once that’s at 100%, I was able to unleash mammary fury. Oh yeah, that and you also get a powerful attack to boot. The over the top animation and jiggling boobs had me wondering why Aschen had — huge — breasts in the first place. She’s a freaking robot! Did Anakin look at C3-PO and think: My robot won’t be complete without a giant penis hanging out of his crotch! Maybe Aschen’s one of them futuristic blowup dolls or something.

I couldn’t figure out how to use skills and magic in battle, but outside of using some healing magic (or whatever it’s suppose to be in this game), I couldn’t figure out what I’m suppose to do with the skills. I seem to have adjusted the order of the moves or something. No sense in worrying about it since I was able to topple bosses with what I’ve already learned. I do have one bit of extra advice for those intending on playing this game with no Japanese knowledge: exit the lab. You can go back to the over world, and board Haken’s spaceship to heal your wounds.

Did I enjoy my brief hands-on with the game? Yes. Would I be upset if this game never makes it outside of Japan? Let’s just say I don’t think a story about a guy traveling around with his blowup doll would sit well with American audiences. Now that Bandai Namco’s got the DS covered, how about some over sized breast love for the Wii? They can always change the planes in Sky Crawlers to giant flying boobs.

Cut the Otomodius crap and give me back my Parodius.

Oh yeah, and I’m still debating whether to call it Super Robot Whores or Super Robot Wardrobe Malfunction. Terranigma Freak seems to think Wardrobe Malfunction is more fitting, but I think Whores is a little shorter to type.

Eat your heart out, Janet Jackson.

Cow Cow

No Bangai-O child porn for you America. This is only on the N64!

What just happened? What just happened!?! I’ll tell you want happened: Bangai-O just happened. I’d like to give you a clear preview, but I don’t think that’s possible. You need to understand the Japanese tutorial, and trust me, you will need to read in this shooter. If you don’t read and play the tutorial, you wouldn’t know the intricate combat system in this game! Each button serves a purpose, but outside of moving and shooting, I couldn’t figure out why I’m sometimes swinging a sword, or shooting different bullets. The combat is without a doubt the deepest of any shooter I’ve ever played (that or I totally suck). This is the reason why I held back on a review. I need the English version! I’m missing out on many of the techniques in this game.

Welcome to Macy’s 4th of July fireworks spectacular.

Bangai-O is insanity with bullets. Missiles and enemies won’t give you a chance to relax. You let down your guard, and it’s “Ka-boom Ahahahaha!” I’m guessing it’s due to the amount of action on screen is the reason why the graphics are so simple. They’re not ugly, just simple. One minute I’m shoulder charging through enemies and watching them bounce all over the place (think Astro Boy GBA), the next thing I know, I’m firing 100 bullets in all directions. There are no power ups as far as I can tell, but you do get to swing a sword or a baseball bat to clobber things. At the very least, I know how to fire my 100 bullet of exploding doom. Trust me, you will be using this move a lot. If you’re looking at the screens online and you can’t figure out what’s going on, try doing that while 100 bullets — not counting enemies and enemy fire — moving all at once! Oh I’m sorry, were you trying to see where you were? Well too bad sucker, you snooze you lose! Man, I’d love to see what Treasure can do with a side-scrolling brawler on the DS.

Goal? Homerun? I don’t know.

While Bangai-O’s a shooter, it’s also kind of hard to classify the type of shooter it is. It’s kind of like the space shooters and Contra combined. Your robot can walk on the ground and fly at will. The levels have walls, but you can fly over them. And speaking of levels, there are over 100 of them. You can actually pick whichever level you’d like to play! Then there’s the ability to build your own levels, and this sound-level-creation-type-thing. I have no clue. I need the English version! At least I have the Japanese version to tied me over. Come ooooon Metal Slug 7, come to papa!

Yes, of all the pics online, I picked the most confusing ones to show.

I played through whatever I can fair and square, so I don’t know how much crazier the later levels can get, but if they can maintain an old school difficulty without frustrating the player, then you’re in for a heck of a game. “Ka-boom Ahahaha.” Goddammit! I just died again!

See if you can figure out who’s who.

Cow Cow

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